"Yes the answer lies within, so why not take a look now?/Kick out the devil's sin, pick up, pick up a good book now."
They say idle hands are the devil's playground. Or something like that. Well, my hands have been idle as of late. Not really, I've been working 40 hours a week, but I feel that way. I started off my summer with a frenzy of action - Senior Week, graduation, moving home and searching for a job. Now that I've settled in to a routine, though, I feel as though I'm idling - stuck in neutral. Quite frankly, I've been in a funk.
I began the summer with the determination to read at least a book a week. For the first two weeks, I did exactly that. I rushed through Bright Lights, Big City in an exhilarating few days, and the next week, I had my heart broken by Kazuo Ishiguro's "Never Let Me Go." I am still processing my feelings towards that deep, heart-wrenching novel.
Once I finished Never Let Me Go, I began to neglect the stack of books that had sat beside my bed since I picked them all up at the library the day I got home back in May. Even though I'm working, I still find myself with free time on my hands, but I've been spending it with friends, or glued to Netflix (you guys, Mad Men will take up A LOT of your time, if you let it).
Even with all that's been going on, I've been feeling a little weird lately. I have been thinking about a lot of things. Deep things. And they're bothering me. I've been wondering about my future, how I relate to others (and how that's good and bad), where I see myself in 5, 10, 30 years, and what I need to do in order to get there. I've also been thinking about just what it is I want to be when I grow up. As a 22-year-old, while I am certainly a legal and basically a physical adult, that's about where my "adultness" stops. I know I have time to figure this all out, but it has still been bothering me lately. And not in a good way. I can't get it out of my head - my mind can't catch a break.
This morning, as I was driving down the highway, the solution hit me in the form of the song lyrics that I've used to title this post. Even though I hadn't cracked a literary spine in over two weeks, I had been carrying around a book with me. For comfort, I suppose. Over my lunch break, I pulled it out of my bag and sat in the warmth of the summer sun and delved in to "Naked Lunch" by William S. Burroughs. It's a book I have been meaning to read for a long time, for many different reasons. And there's no time like the present, right?
I only made it through the first eight pages on my short break, but I almost instantly felt better than I had for the past two weeks.
Perhaps it's because my mind had nowhere to escape to - Tangiers, grimy Manhattan streets, the English countryside - that it was so caught up in itself. Now that I have found a place for it to escape once more, I'm sure I will continue to feel more at rest. Certainly, I will still ponder my perplexing place in this world, but I am glad I have discovered the way to find reprieve from the daunting thoughts about past, present and future that plague