"What are you doing here?" she asked. I shrugged.
"I don't know, I'm not really sure what to do with myself."
The past week for me was full of Post-It notes, to-do lists, nights at the library and frantic writing of final papers. All of a sudden, I never have to study for anything if I don't want to. I don't have to make color-coded note cards and stay up until the wee hours of the morning memorizing their contents (but let's be honest, I've never actually done that, anyway).
I felt a little lost. For the next week, before graduation and my move back home for the summer, I don't have to work, I don't have to study, I don't have to read any books that I don't want to. I don't have to feel guilty about sitting at home and watching TV or going to a bar on a Tuesday night, because there is nothing stopping me. There are no deadlines. There are no schedules. The next time I need to be anywhere is more than a week away. This scares me a little bit.
Fortunately, for my schedule-oriented mind, as soon as I get home in 10 days, it is time to finalize my summer employment situation, schedule doctors appointments and start planning things again. And, even more fortunately, come August, I will be back in a classroom. INstead of sitting in one of the rows of desks, I will be standing at the front of the room, probably scared out of my mind that I am now responsible for imparting knowledge on the room full of adolescent brains in front of me.
As much as I love schedules, I have recently come to the realization that I like kind of playing my life by ear. I don't know where I will be more than a year from now, and that's exhilarating and it makes me happy to not have to worry about my five-year or ten-year or lifelong plan. My sense of adventure is alive and well. The next week of limbo will probably lead me on a few little adventures, as well. I can definitely survive a week without a schedule, spending a precious last few days with my fellow graduates in the place we have called home for the last four years.